Is Being in Love Enough for a Happy Marriage?

What is missing in so many marriages and why do so many marriages fail? According to Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, authors of the award-winning bestseller "Boundaries," the crucial element for harmony in marriage is not being "in love," but being mature.

If we are immature when we marry, our tendency will be to look to our spouse to complete us. But this is an impossible task since no other person can ever make us into the complete person we long to be. We need to do that for ourselves.

In "Boundaries in Marriage," the authors state "to the degree that each is less than complete as a person, the oneness will suffer under the strain of that incompleteness." The following list are some of the abilities that people need to possess before getting married. The ability to:

• Connect emotionally
• Be vulnerable and share feelings
• Have an appropriate sense of power and assertiveness
• Say no
• Have initiative and drive
• Have at least a minimal amount of organization
• Accept imperfections and have grace and forgiveness
• Grieve
• Think for oneself and express one's opinions
• Take risks
• Grasp and use one's talents
• Be responsible and follow through
• Be sexual
• Be spiritual
• Have a moral sense
• Have an intellectual life

Likewise, Rev. Moon teaches us that immaturity is the fundamental cause of the breakdown of families and society. Rev. Moon also states that immaturity was the very cause of man's initial separation from God in the beginning of human history. Our original ancestors were meant to first become mature individuals before marrying and having children. Instead, Adam & Eve, while still immature, united sexually and had children. As a result, their immaturity was passed down from generation to generation. History has been one great dysfunctional cycle of children bearing children. (See the Human Fall.)

Today we see that this is very evident in the high numbers of teenage pregnancies and out-of-wedlock childbirths. Too many young people think it's perfectly okay to fall in love, have sex and bear a child outside of marriage. This is a recipe for disaster and contributes to so many of our social problems such as school dropouts, poverty, juvenile delinquency and crime.

So if we want to see a better society and a better world, then let's start with our own families and even before that, with our own marriages. Just remember - first comes maturity, then love, then secure marriages, happy families and a peaceful society.

Unification Church Marriages

Myths about Marriage

Teachings of Rev. Sun Myung Moon: See Through the Eyes of Love

Think how different the world would be if we were able to see the world through the eyes of love. Then how could we ever hurt each other, or abuse animals and the natural world for self-centered purposes? To revolutionize the world, let's start by changing ourselves from looking out only for ourselves, to seeing through the eyes of love for each another.

"The truth of the universe is that we must acknowledge each other and help each other."

Rev. Moon teaches that the greatest person is the one who loves the most. In the end, the only thing that really matters is not how much knowledge, status or possessions we have gained in our lifetimes. What really matters is how much we have loved others.

"Pull out your old vision and replace it with new "eyeballs" of true love."

To practice true love, we must look at everything through the eyes of true love - our spouse, children, neighbors, all people and all of nature. Then everyone and everything becomes beautiful to behold.

"True love is a love that forgets it already gave love and gives love again."

Think of a mother, who unconditionally gives of herself to her children. That is the love that God has for each one of us. This is the love that we are meant to give to each other as well. When there is true love we never grow weary, because as we give love our hearts open up to receive more and more love coming to us from God.

"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

For more information, go to Rev. Sun Myung Moon

The Purpose of Life

Is it possible that the purpose of life could be very simple? In the Bible it says that God gave us three blessings - to be fruitful, multiply and have dominion over the earth. These were God's simple instructions on how to live our lives. But what do they really mean?

Be Fruitful. A tree becomes fruitful only after it matures completely. Likewise, man and woman are meant to reach full maturity before bearing fruit, or their children. In actuality, this means to become the kind of unconditional loving person that each of us is meant to be. Without first becoming a loving person, we can't become the spouse and parent that our family needs.

Multiply. Based upon attaining our full maturity, we can then multiply. Can you imagine a Christlike man and a Christlike woman joining in marriage and creating a family? This was God's ideal. Children from this marriage would grow up with complete security and would pass on the love that they had received to their children and future generations.

Have Dominion over the Earth. This means to take care of the natural world with love. Each of us was created with our own unique abilities and talents to use in interacting with each other and the natural world in loving ways.



So if all of these three blessings were fulfilled, what more could we ask for? Our purpose in life would be fulfilled. Each of us would be completely loving and secure, we would live in a peaceful society within our loving families, and we would fulfill our potential through our interaction with the world around us. Sounds like the Kingdom of Heaven to me!

For a more complete explanation, see Chapter 1, Section 3 of the Divine Principle.

Man's Search for Truth

From the dawn of history until today, human beings have ceaselessly searched for the truth with which to overcome both types of ignorance and attain knowledge. Humanity through religion has followed the path of searching for internal truth, and through science has followed the path of seeking external truth. Religion and science, each in their own spheres, have been the methods of searching for truth in order to conquer ignorance and attain knowledge. Eventually, the way of religion and the way of science should be integrated and their problems resolved in one united undertaking; the two aspects of truth, internal and external, should develop in full consonance. Only then, completely liberated from ignorance and living solely in goodness in accord with the desires of the original mind, will we enjoy eternal happiness.

My life in search of the truth

We can discern two broad courses in the search for solutions to the fundamental questions of human life. In the first, people have searched within the resultant, material world. Those who walk this path, believing it to be the supreme way, kneel before the glories of highly developed science. They take pride in its omnipotence and the material comforts it provides. Nevertheless, can we enjoy full happiness founded only upon external conditions that satisfy the flesh? The advance of science may create a comfortable social environment in which we can enjoy abundant wealth and prosperity, but can that alone truly gratify the spiritual desires of the inner self?

The passing joys of those who delight in the pleasures of the flesh are nothing compared to the bliss experienced by those on the path of enlightenment, who find joy in the midst of simple poverty. Gautama Buddha, who abandoned the luxuries of the royal palace and became enraptured in the pursuit of the Way, was not the only one who wandered about homeless while searching for his heart's resting place. Just as a healthy body depends upon a sound mind, so too the joy of the body is complete only when the mind is content.

What of the sailor who voyages on the sea of the material world under the sail of science in search of physical comforts? Let him reach the coast for which he longs. He eventually will come to realize that it is nothing more than the very graveyard where his body will be buried.

Where is science heading? Until now, scientific research has not embraced the internal world of cause; it has limited itself to the external world. It has not embraced the world of essence, but has limited itself to the world of phenomena. However, science today is entering a new phase. It is compelled to elevate its gaze from the external and resultant world of phenomena to the internal and causal world of essence. The scientific world has begun to recognize that science cannot achieve its ultimate goals without a theoretical explanation of the causal, spiritual world.

When the sailor, who has completed his voyage in search of external truth under the sail of science, adds another sail, the sail of religion, and embarks on a new voyage in search of internal truth, he finally will be headed toward the destination for which his original mind yearns.

From Divine Principle

The Human Fall

Are We Created with Contradictions?

Can it be that human life originated with such a contradiction? How could beings with a self-contradictory nature come into existence? If burdened by such a contradiction from its inception, human life would not have been able to arise. The contradiction, therefore, must have developed after the birth of the human race. Christianity sees this state of destruction as the result of the human Fall.

Can anyone dispute that the human condition is fallen? When we realize the fact that, due to the Fall, we have arrived at the brink of self-destruction, we make desperate efforts to resolve the contradiction within. We repel the evil desires coming from our evil mind and embrace the good desires springing from our original mind.

Search for the Ultimate Answers

Nevertheless, we have been unable to find the ultimate answer to the question: What is the nature of good and evil? We still do not have an absolute and definitive truth which can enable us to distinguish, for example, which of the two, theism or atheism, is good and which is evil. Furthermore, we remain entirely ignorant of the answers to such questions as: What is the original mind, the wellspring of good desires? What is the origin of the evil mind that incites evil desires in opposition to the original mind? What is the root cause of the contradiction that brings people to ruin? In order to ward off evil desires and follow good desires, we must overcome this ignorance and gain the ability to distinguish clearly between good and evil. Then we can take the path to the good life the original mind seeks.

Fall into Ignorance

Considered from the viewpoint of the intellect, the human Fall represents humanity's descent into ignorance. People are composed of two aspects: internal and external, or mind and body; likewise, the intellect consists of two aspects: internal and external. In the same way, there are two types of ignorance: internal ignorance and external ignorance.

Internal ignorance, in religious terms, is spiritual ignorance. It is ignorance of such questions as: What is the origin of human beings? What is the purpose of life? What happens after death? Do God and the next world exist? What is the nature of good and evil? External ignorance refers to ignorance of the natural world, including the human body. It is ignorance of such issues as: What is the origin of the physical universe? What are the natural laws governing all phenomena?

How to Find Happiness

Everyone is struggling to attain happiness and avoid misfortune. From the commonplace affairs of individuals to the great events that shape the course of history, each is at root an expression of the human aspiration for ever greater happiness. How, then, does happiness arise?

People feel happiness when their desires are fulfilled. The word "desire," however, is often not understood in its original sense, because in the present circumstances our desires tend to pursue evil rather than good. Desires which result in injustice do not emanate from a person's original mind. The original mind is well aware that such desires lead to misfortune. Therefore, it repels evil desires and strives to follow the good. Even at the cost of their lives, people seek for the joy that can enrapture the original mind. This is the human condition: we grope along exhausting paths to cast off the shadow of death and search for the light of life.

Has anyone realized the happiness in which the original mind delights by pursuing evil desires? Whenever such desires are sated, we feel unrest in our conscience and agony in our heart. Would a parent ever instruct his child to be evil? Would a teacher deliberately instill unrighteousness in his students? The impulse of the original mind, which everyone possesses, is to abhor evil and exalt goodness.

In the lives of religious people one can see an intense struggle to realize goodness by single-mindedly following the desires of the original mind. Yet since the beginning of time, not even one person has abided strictly by his original mind. As St. Paul noted, "None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands, no one seeks for God."(Rom. 3:10-11) Confronted with the human condition, he lamented, "For I delight in the law of God, in my inmost self, but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin which dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am!"(Rom. 7:22-24)

We find a great contradiction in every person. Within the self-same individual are two opposing inclinations: the original mind that desires goodness and the evil mind that desires wickedness. They are engaged in a fierce battle, striving to accomplish two conflicting purposes. Any being possessing such a contradiction within itself is doomed to perish. Human beings, having acquired this contradiction, live on the brink of destruction. Until we can solve this contradiction, we will never realize true happiness.

From Divine Principle

What is the Meaning of My Life?

"What is the meaning of my life? What is the meaning of my life?" Like a tape recording going over and over inside my brain, I just couldn't get these questions out of my mind. I was away at college and it seemed as though everywhere I looked I saw meaninglessness and confusion all around me. Life on the campus revolved around partying, taking drugs and having sex. But somehow I didn't fit in and felt uncomfortable with this lifestyle. I wondered, "Is there something wrong with me? Or is something wrong with the rest of the world?"

Here I was, preparing myself for a future career where I would work 40 hours a week for many years to come. But I didn't even know who I was, what my purpose in life was and what life was all about in the first place. I took a psychology class hoping to find some answers, but the professor seemed to be even crazier than I was feeling. No answers there.

Finally in desperation, I cried into my pillow one night asking God if he was real and if there was any meaning to life. This was an especially desperate move coming from a hard-core atheist. Then I took another desperate move. I packed up my few belongings, withdrew what little money I had from the bank and started walking down the road in search of "the meaning of life". I had decided that if there was no purpose to life, then there was no point in even being alive. Therefore, I needed to begin my search to find the answers I sought.

I had no idea where I would begin my journey, but I figured I better go someplace warm since I didn't know where I would be staying and may end up sleeping outside. So I hitchhiked to Chicago and caught a train to New Orleans. A few months later I met a member of the Unification Church of the Rev. Sun Myung Moon, who invited me to come to the church center. The last thing I was interested in was "God" or "church," but something about this young man (and my stomach) convinced me to go with him to listen to a talk followed by dinner.

What I heard there amazed me and what I saw at the center surprised me even more. They talked about how God intended all of mankind to be "one family" living together as brothers and sisters in loving relationships. I saw this actually being practiced at the center. There were people from all different countries and different races living and working together harmoniously. I met people from Japan, Austria, France, Israel, Honduras, and Italy to name a few.

Through the lectures, my mind began to open up to the possibility that God really existed. But this was all in theory. I needed to know in actuality if what they were teaching were true. Therefore, I joined the church and thus began my spiritual journey of discovering God and the real meaning of life.

Now years later, I can say with absolute confidence that the teachings are true, based on my many years of practice, study and witnessing the life of Rev. Moon, who embodies the teachings more than anyone else on earth. My life now has a meaning and depth that I could never have imagined before. To learn more, go to Divine Principle.

More Personal Testimonies

God's guidance in my life

My life in search of the truth