On the Road

On a cold day in February, I walked away from school. I was so unhappy and desperate for answers and was certainly not finding them at school. I thought to myself that life was not worth living if there was no purpose to it. So why continue going to school? I decided to take a gigantic leap and leave everything behind to search for the purpose of life.

I packed my few belongings into a bag, went to the bank to withdraw what little money I had, and began walking down the street away from the college. I hitch-hiked to Chicago, went to the bus station, and bought a one-way ticket to New Orleans. I chose New Orleans because I had no idea where I would stay and thought that I had better go someplace warm in case I needed to sleep outside.

Altogether, I spent about 3 weeks in the south, hitch-hiking from place to place and staying with whoever would take me in. The first person I met was a young man who, like myself, was on the road and hitch-hiking. We stayed together for a few days until one morning I woke up to find that he had disappeared with all my money.

A lot of those 3 weeks is a blur in my mind and I don't remember much of it. But I do remember a few people who took me in. I remember staying with a lonely older man who was looking for companionship. This might have been right after I lost all my money and had no where to turn. Staying with him was very depressing though and I soon left. Then I stayed for awhile with a woman who lived in a trailer with her kids. I remember being very grateful for the rich southern food she fed me like sausage, bacon and biscuits. But her trailer was filthy and full of roaches. Eventually I moved on from her place as well.

I hitch-hiked to Pensacola next and met a 13-year-old girl who wanted to take me home like a lost little puppy. But when I got to her house I was surprised by all the chaos. There were younger children running all around and no adult seemed to be in charge. Instead, this poor 13-year-old was. She desperately wanted me to stay. I could see that she looked up to me as the older sister she never had and really needed. But unfortunately, I had to disappoint her. I stayed with her just a few days and then left. Before I left she begged me to stay and could not understand why I had to go "search for the meaning of life."

Through all of this time there was sex, although I've blocked out most of that from my mind since it was so negative. I suppose I was a sitting duck for predators since I was completely dependent on others for help and was so mixed up about sex anyway. When looking back at this period in my life I believe that it was only by God's grace that I did not get into serious trouble or even end up dead.

Finally, I went to a forest preserve (somewhere) and spent the night sleeping outside on my coat. After waking, I sat on a curb for awhile wondering what I would do next. While sitting there, a park ranger pulled up in his truck and asked me what I was doing. I don't remember what I told him but he ended up bringing me home to his wife. They were both middle-aged and Christian. I stayed with them for a couple days and during that time the wife preached to me about the Bible and Jesus. It all went completely over my head. I could not relate to anything she said and remember one statement in particular that really turned me off. She said that my problem was that "I had been allowed to live selfishly." That was not what I needed to hear at that moment in my life. But they also did something that really surprised me. They bought me a one-way ticket back to Chicago and sent me home. I was very ready to go home by that time.

I left there being puzzled by this couple. I couldn't understand how complete strangers could take me in and then pay for a ticket home as well, which for me at that time seemed like a lot of money. They had nothing to gain from me like others who had taken advantage of me in the past. I was more used to that and the world seemed to be a very selfish, evil and dangerous place to live. Men in particular I thought, had only one thing on their mind and I was sick of seeing that sexual look in their eyes whenever they approached me. But this couple was different somehow and I didn't know why they had treated me so kindly. Unknowingly to me, a seed had been planted by them that would bear fruit in the near future.