Tripping

I took mescaline twice while I was in college, hoping to find some answers. People who took it assured me of having an incredible "trip." My trip lasted about 8 hours and the first part was pure hell. Similar to my experience with pot, instead of feeling wonderful I became extremely paranoid. I remember wanting to shrink into the fetal position and hide in a corner. I needed to escape from everyone because being around people only intensified my agony. In the meantime, the floors beneath me were moving like waves, with smoke rising through pores in them. All the while, terrible thoughts and images filled my mind, usually involving sex or violence. This lasted about 4 hours. Maybe this was a preview of what hell is like - constant torment with no hope of escape.

At some point the trip changed dramatically. The atmosphere shifted and I started receiving revelations. I remember in particular these profound words coming into my mind, "Amidst all the confusion in the world, there is order." Wow! Order in the world? I had experienced so much confusion about life and nothing made any sense. So these words were very comforting. At the same time, I felt the presence of something loving and warm like the sun shining brightly above me. Also, my feelings about people had turned around 180 degrees. My previous anxiety around them had completely vanished. When I looked at people now, I saw them as confused children needing love, just as I had needed it. And instead of wanting to escape from them, I wanted to comfort them like a mother and let them know how much they were loved.

I had never experienced a feeling of love so powerful as this. I had never learned in church that we are all God's children. I had never gone to church. So this was truly a revelation to me and a new way of looking at life.  Unfortunately, the good feelings didn't last long. The trip ended and I was back to my old dysfunctional self.

I took mescaline one more time and the trip was similar - going to hell first and then to heaven. This time I also received a revelation. The revelation was "There is a God." Fortunately for me, this was the last time I ever took drugs. But it was not the end of my search for answers.